Poll Analyzer Prints

Campaign Office. Help! I've fallen in the polls and I can't get up!

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Trump Poutine

DUNVOTIN

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

Romney: 'Corporations are people! We just pay a lot less taxes than you!'

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

"The poll results are in. Our lies are resonating with the public way more than our opponent's lies."

Poll Dancing

"We need to get a better grip on the truth in this campaign, and choke the life out of it."

The Establishment Election

'Wow! Can't you just feel the safe-ness!'

"The last thing that I intend to do is to stand here making a display of my patriotism."

The Trump baby blimp ffffftts into the sunset.

How is the campaign taking shape? Poseidon is washed up but all the other candidates have a chance. Voters like Cyclops' unique vision ... Mercury delivers his message well ... Ares has support from the defense hawks ... and some say Narcissus is an attractive candidate. Narcissus like the support reflected in polls and loves what he sees reflected in pools!

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

"Would you like your MP not to stand at the next election?"

'One more thing - find out if the new Securities and Exchange Commission head grants group amnesty.'

Wright Wing Conspiracy.

'Our poll shows the typical voter is all polled out.'

Trump's time is running out

Dropping Popularity of Obama.

How your grandparents act vs. how your grandparents vote.

"It's seasonal, like the first gritters of Winter and the first cuckoos of Spring...the first pollsters of the election!"

Words from a Senator.

Obama Campaign.

'My credibility is on the line with this speech.' 'Who do you think you're kidding?'

"The latest poll numbers must be out."

"I'm undecided, but that doesn't mean I'm apathetic or uninformed."

Trump vs. Biden

"Your poll results on't look good. You're trailing 'statistically insignificant'."

Climate Change is Real