Political Strategist Pillows

Niccolo Machiavelli

"Look, we've got to improve our voter-tracking algorithms if we want to make more accurate wild-ass guesses."

'At Filmore holdings, we don't break the law. We donate to politicians to change the law.'

'All options are on the table. That includes defriending on Facebook.'

'Great news, Haverford... I've decided to let you into my select orbit of trusted friends and advisers!'

"Sure, you can grow to be president...but for real power consider becoming a lobbyist."

'Please wait here to be unseated.'

'That's correct Shaun. The government is comprised of 5 branches...the executive, legislative, judicial, lobbyist and media.'

'If there are no other ideas, then it's agreed we blame the media.'

'I'm not here to blame. I'm here to help others blame.'

Redistricting.

"Behavioural insights, eh? Say no more!"

"Vote for me and the baby lives."

Attorney General Holder has an idea...'and we will call it operation fast and furious!'

Mentoring (in politics)

Frank integrates the modern, poll-driven, finger-in-the-wind brand of politics into his parenting style.

"I appreciate the new campaign finance laws, but I miss the thrill of getting around the old ones."

'The press is calling you overconfident. Stop using ‘Hail To The Chief' as your ringtone.'

"Someday, son, all my campaign funds will be yours."

'Next time, I say let's be proactive and vote ourselves a pay raise before the government shutdown.'

Sally, Jim - you'll handle daily speech writing. Vince, as usual, will be in charge of attack ads.'

European Equilibrium

If chess allowed gerrymandering.

'Sit, Mr. Smedley.'

'Supply-side economics is passe - we're now in the bait-and-switch era.'

"Dealing with Iran was the easy part. Now we need to deal with Congressional Republicans."

'You say you still had it with you when you went to your meeting with Machiavelli?'

Chicken Little for Congress: 'The sky is falling! The sky is falling!'

"Didn't I tell you 'Never put anything down on paper'?"

Tiger economy.

Puppet theatre.

"It's Lamar, Senator, he's going to take our attack ads door to door."

Angela Merkel

'Our poll, Senator shows that half of you constituents are pro on that issue and half are con, so we recommend that you maintain a posture of equivocation.'

Market researchers were advised never to target Labour MP's.