Political Asylum Pillows

"Do you realize this is the third time we've gotten mad at the government and moved to Canada for good?"

"Away with the warmonger!"

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"I'd like to book 10 days going anywhere they've never heard of Brexit."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

Fleeing Kabul

"So finally, the liarbird flew off to the lucrative world of tell-all books, management consultancy and after-dinner speaking..."

"Those MORONS! I have way more chest hair than THAT! Ha!"

'Are you two friends?' - 'No, we just hate the same people.'

"Well it looks like we're all here."

Vacancy at the Ecuadoran Embassy

"At last - no Trump."

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

If you ask me, pets shouldn't be allowed in the House of Commons...

'All my children have been successful. Frank here is in the Oval Office.'

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

Election Cancelling Headphones

"Is it possible to put in in a coma until after the election?"

'The poll results are clear Sir: Your days as the Alpha Male are numbered...'

'On the Internet we found weapons of mass intrusion.'

'I don't know -- maybe an evil robot from the future IS the kind of President we need.'

Hillary Clinton

"You might be poor and ugly but you're the only one who didn't blather about politics and climate change after ten minutes. What's your name? Marry me!"

"We're going have to build higher walls."

Egalitarian family

"Say, isn't that Rudy Giuliani?"

"Place your left hand on the Bible, raise your right hand, and repeat after me, 'Wow, I can't believe this is happening to me.'"

Holy Moses!

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."

'It was a very friendly reception - the Democrats even registered me to vote!'

"Two strikes, how about I throw you a slow ball?"

TRUMP

'Just pretend they're not here. They're my transition team.'

Employee of the Month: One of the perks of self-employment