Politeness Guru Gifts

"Thank you for your recent E-mail. However, I am completely satisfied with the size of my penis."

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Why do they call it rush hour when no one goes anywhere?"

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"Are we done yet? ... Because I'm turning around now."

"Don't worry, darling. You'll happen."

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

Test your patience, back in one hour.

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

"Tia Carmen, if times are tough, how come you're giving money away?"

How to Do Small Talk??!!

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

The merger hits a snag.

"All yours, Buddy. I'm ALREADY living on house money."

Politeness opens doors

The Ekert Saga: 'Let's put it this way...can you imagine how the world would be if everyone actually practiced hat they preach about following the 'golden rule'?

'Say, please.'

'Can't you stop being charitable, we are on vacation.'

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

A gentleman giving some children a lesson in manners

"I'm just phoning to tell you your 'cheque in the post' has just arrived."

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

"But if I don't know the corporate values then I'm not accountable to them."

Charity mugger

Ballerina and the light switch.

'We'd better go home, Jimmy. We're driving your mother up the wall.'

Ice Whaling

'No... you first.'

Canadian Zoom

'No. I insist. You first.'

'Good news: First-quarter profits should be strong and second-quarter prison sentences should be light.'

'The problems with charities is that they are always needing donations.'

"And the Haves, you might say, are divided into the Gives and Give Nots."