Poetry Performer Mugs

"Stuart – would you like to come up and rap some Tennyson for us."

My poem is called 'Daddy's Little Blue Pills...'.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

They hated me.

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Showbiz Awards

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

Edgar Allen Poe

"Do me next."

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"I gotta be me!"

"Now I really hate poetry."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"Extreme miming"

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

"We're following Carrot Top."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Why we need poetry. . .

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."