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"on the contrary, the fund's performance has been quite good when viewed in dog's years."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

"....But then I find myself saying, what if there isn't more to life than this?"

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks!-- When do I get paid?'

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

"He downgraded Apple."

Shakespeare Ave

First Little Piggy Investment Associates

'...Would you like me to try out my Big Bang theory?'

"My assets consist of a piggy bank, 2 teeth for the tooth fairy, and whatever change I find in the living room sofa."

'The action next week is going to be in bird seed, but if you quote me, I'll deny I said it.'

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

'I'll see your dirty laundry, and raise you six children.'

At The Clown Bank.

'Hi, Dad! We were going to set up the lemonade stand you suggested, but then Jamie got an even better idea!'

'How do you expect to play Canasta when you left your brain to science?'

'A penny saved is a penny not stimulating the economy.'

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

'Well, well, well. . . I see you've hidden several thousand eggs in an offshore basket. . .'

'He made a lot of money investing in what he knew - dog biscuit and rawhide bone futures.'

'My dad showed me how to make awesome paper airplanes out of corporate bonds.'

Got out of the market too soon, got back in too late.

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

"What's the current return on investment?"

Just in: Condolence cards for the small investor.

A child pulls the lever of a machine that is combination of both a slot machine and a gumball machine.

"My broker gave me this Wall Street rally cap."