Playful Banter Lover Mugs

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

Mysteries of the ocean...

'So which is it - transfixed by my beauty or standing on my ten-pound note?'

Christmas Party Pick-up Lines.

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

An Archeologic Dig

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

Cold caller.

Call it Tough Love.

Boyfriend scores notches on wall by bed.

"Why, Mr. Conly, I do believe you're trying to get me hydrated."

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Here comes Ted.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

Valentine's Day calls for a romantic candlelight dinner and soft music. Then a trip back to my place for some heavy groping and groaning.

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."