Pill Regimen Navigator T-Shirts

"He told me to take 3 pills twice a day or 7 pills every other day or 23 pills once a week. I think it's a placebo."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

'They've dealyed our IPO so long that we've gone from intending to open a chain of pre-schools to opening a chain of nursing homes.'

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'The nicotine patch should get you off the nicotine gum.'

Woman and scales.

"Instead of days, my pill organizer is divided into months."

'I don't understand why you don't want to take your daily medication.'

'You're meant to take off the old nicotine patches before putting on a new one!'

Turn on the news. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story. There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on Rocky Road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills. Who told you this? Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy.

"I never realized trying to have a baby would mean replacing the soft music and candlelight with an ovulation strip, a thermometer, and a starter pistol."

'When you put on a new nicotene patch you're supposed to take the old ones off!'

"You must cut down on your smoking."

"Mr Yomp is in a big hurry, so give him 'speedy runaround number 39'..."

Desk Organizers: 'Comply with Government Regulations and Guidelines.'

All Roads Lead To Rome.

'I'll only have one pack of nicotene patches this week. My mate's supposed to be getting me some cheaper ones from abroad.'

I'm giving you a prescription for hard-to-remove stop smoking patches. Place one over the opening of every pack of cigarettes you buy.

Weight Loss Cheat.

No smoking initiative.

'Holding in your stomach won't help, sir.'

"Sure, I can recommend some mental exercises. Try memorizing all the prescription drugs I have you on."

'You're meant to take the nicotine patches off after you've used them.'

"My job is to confirm your 15 prescriptions are compatible."

'We cured your cigarette addiction, but you now need treatment for nicotine patch addiction.'

'That's not what I had in mind when I asked for some encouragement!'

A large woman smiles, as she notices that a slimming club's exit door is only half as wide as the entrance door.

"The therapist helped Jack overcome his fear of commitment."

"He was weak with the flu to start with and then the initial shock of the new tax code did him in."

'Okay, Bancroft - here we go again.'

'Good bye, dear. Have mercy.'

'I don't WANT to be flagpole sitting. It's the only place they let me smoke!'