Pill Counter Pillows

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

'I don't understand why you don't want to take your daily medication.'

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

"We've managed to cut down the 16 pills you're taking to just one!"

"We only test our drugs on plants, so we have to do lots and lots of extrapolating."

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

Medical Supplies

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

'Let me know if these weight-loss pills actually work.'

'This is our most efficient inhibition blocker. It's 99% alcohol.'

'A boat in every garage, a limit of fish in every creel!'

'What have you got in the way of a Cabernet Sauvignon for people who like Zinfandel when they can't find Merlot?'

'Any side effects of these sleeping pills?'

This prescription doesn't have side efets. It's more like straight to the top and straight to the bottom.

Pharmacist to lady: 'I'm juggling your prescriptions as we speak.'

It's a new electronic child-proof pill container

Employment Office. You got a job on the early shift at the drugstore? What'll you be doing? Probably waking up the sleeping pills.

'It doesn't matter what pills you give me, whatever they're for, I'm sure to have it...'

"Oh, it's easy to keep them straight - morning pills are wrapped in cheddar, afternoon pills are wrapped in Moz and evening pills are wrapped in pepper jack."

'Your problem is keeping things down. I want you to take this one pill four times a day.'

'How about a few of the pretty pink and yellow ones today, dear.'

"Don't chew them. They're supposed to hatch in your intestines."

Weight gain on the pill.

"And how can I help you Mr. Stephens?"

"We're out of the 500 mg size."

'You've got more than one loyalty card? That's despicable.'

'It's a bill for asking how much I charge.'

"Take the green pill to feel hunky, the yellow pill to feel dory."

'... which in turn will cause side effects of nausea, for which I'm giving you Trylitol, which will induce temporary blindness, which I'll counteract with...'

'Given the medication you're on, Larry, maybe you ought to go home!'

"I have these pills to relieve hayfever but the side effects are watery eyes, a runny nose and sneezing."

'Your test all came back negative, but we have a pill for that.'