Piece Picker-upper T-Shirts

"It's O.K. I've got it."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

'In memory of our beloved Skippy.'

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

'Every war game scenario I've run has you picking up the check.'

Man visits palm reader with 'Doing Anything Tonight?' written on his hands.

"Why, Ed Dunlop! Didn't you used to be my chief stock picker?"

'You complete me.'

The Scenic Route

"What's the difference between the butterscotch champagne mist and the tawny sunset beige? Probably something buried deep in your psyche."

'Dealing with Stress, Cooking for Forty and Nightmare Families. Christmas reading?'

He loves me...

A windfall pear falling straight into a bag of windfall pears.

"Pinching, squeezing, smelling...I love interactive shopping."

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

"Be like that, but don't forget if it wasn't for me and my buddies, they'd be a whole lot more shit for the likes of you to look at!"

'Wanna help make sure we don't become an endangered species?'

"Take over your planet?? - No... we're here to clean it up!!!"

"I get paid by the word."

Hi-I'm Dave. Hi-I'm off limits.

"Fancy joining the mile low club?"

Delivered Pretty Much To Your Door!

"Jimmy crack corn and I'm upset... Nope, nope, too honest..."

"I'm a breast and leg man, myself!"

"Hi. Obviously, I'm betting everything on the watch."

Closing time, and a man and a woman are checking each other out across the bar: 'Slim pickings.' 'Fat chance.'

"Well this part of your order has arrived, but the other parts haven't, though I understand they're in transit. So I guess parts of your parts order are partly here."

Oranges, lemons and limes.

"Oh god, he's going for the jukebox!"

Alas but only a few people master the perfect pick up line

The Quick Picker Up

'Not sure what's worse...the sweatshop or the tea break.'

My name is Morton and I'm a nice man. So? Are you a nice woman? Can you believe this? I think I've discovered a whole new species of wimp! Actually, he's kinda cute...