Phone System Detective Prints

the complicated phone call

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

Alternative Medicine

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

The new Physics

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"If this is secret information the government doesn't want us to know, how come we can read about it on facebook?"

"We're going to need the best forensic accountants money can buy."

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

I spy with my little eye in the sky …

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

The Darknet starts right here.

"What's the word I'm looking for?" "What's the word I'm looking for?" "What's the word I'm looking for?"

Berlitz guide to Scamese

"That's not what it says on the Web."

"You've always been a poor listener Harold."

"You fix it by buying a new one."

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"I already know he's gone — it's been on the Internet."

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

The Big Bad Wolf

"Hello?"

"I warned him being online was dangerous."

"It was just humming right along - then began whistling."