Phone Advisor T-Shirts

'If you are ringing your mentor to ask about your next move then we're FINISHED.'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

Icarus, you are not flying anywhere until you put on some sunscreen.

HUAWEI 5G

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

Have you seen my iPhone? No. You lost it? I may have misplaced it. Big deal. You hate it. It'll turn up. Exactly, I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I especially hate the Scrabble app and I absolutely can't wait to find the phone so I can mock it further! Help: I love my iPhone. Oh dear. Trouble brewing. To be continued ...

"We advised viewer discretion and they all decided not to watch."

Warring parents

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

...the onion rings

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

Mom's The Boss

"Stop telling me how well you did on the written."

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

"...and don't fall for that trunk enlargement scam."

"Oh, don't jump. But at least learn to code."

Kid reader to librarian about 'Parenting' book: 'This didn't tell me anything about how to deal with parents.'

'I may not be able to smack you, but it won't stop the 'Bogie Man' coming to get you if you are naughty !'

Department of Disinformation Looms Over the Department of Information.

"Hello, Braque? Picasso here. Cubism is out."

"As a concerned lawmaker, I take very seriously my responsibility to offer up banal and meaningless platitudes for social media consumption."

Phone Calls As a Child and As an Adult

"Thank you for holding, your prayers have advanced in the queue and will be answered by the next available deity."

Listen to a lot of phone pitches while I'm at work?

'My cellphone's driving me crazy, Doc! It's smarter than I am.'

Business executive has desk sign stating: I am in a meeting.

'When a caller asks for me, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop saying 'who'?'

"I've been talking on this phone so much, I'm getting cauliflower ears."

Woman on the phone while her kids cause chaos in the background.

"Linda, when answering the phone it's 'Edward Case, Psychiatrist' not Ed Case..."

No I haven't finished sulking yet!

Telemarketing Center: Help wanted. It's not a job - it's a calling.