Philosophical Gamblers Pillows

'Yeah, I tried that once.'

Election slot machine. No matter the outcome, I always lose money.

"Before we start, does anyone fancy a bet on the outcome?"

Solitaire card shark.

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

"I'd get out of the volatile, capricious, irritating stock market. . . but I might miss out on further gains."

Cheating Death

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

'Well, Dad said he'd take me to the zoo, but the only animals were horses running around a track!'

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

The Las Vegas Oddsmakers

"Have you ever felt you were just a random NPC in an asymmetrical multiplayer open world survival video game?"

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

'Look at the bright side, it's better to have loved money and lost than never to have invested at all.'

Zen Bowling.

'It's a fight between me and the world,' - 'I'll have a twenty on the world,'

"Every hand I draw is a royal flush! This really is heaven!"

"Sure you can question my financial judgement, but you have to admire the strength of my convictions."

He dropped ten quid.

'Every Sunday I thank God that I'm an atheist!'

"I thought you said risk taking was okay?" 'Not putting the pension fund on Lucky Lady to win."

'I chose the jockeys wearing the prettiest colours and I'm doing better than him!'

Gambling in Heaven - Losing your halo.

Gamblers

'Do you ever think Mature is kind of an odd way to classify video games?'

"The longer we can keep them gambling, the more they lose."

Speculators

"Your room has been comped."

'I'll bet you fifty dollars that you can't stop gambling.'