Philosopher Of Mortality Mugs

"But living longer may not be right for you."

Grim Reaper helpfully offers a smoker a light.

R. J. Hooper: Off the grid forever

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Call me?"

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"Death coach..."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

"They're very time-sensitive."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

Apocalliptical

"I took the road less travelled just to avoid the potholes."

"I once experienced childlike wonder. . . but it was just my anti-depressants kicking in."

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

"Be patient! Weather and homeland are not chosen."

'I'm trying to become enlightened, but my stomach keeps growling and interrupting me!'

'Isn't it about time to turn over a new leaf...?'

School of hard knocks: Mail box 'Knock-knock jokes'

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"I'm at the age where work is a lot less fun, and fun is a lot more work."

'Ironically, before I fell on hard times, I was a professional wine taster.'

Seven males, ranging in age from a baby to an old man, wait in a line monitored by a uniformed guard.

Leaves Falling in Heaven.

'Thank you for the job offer, sir, but I find that unemployment helps keep me humble.'

'You'd look good in that.'

Grim Reaper Checkout

"Give a call when you get there."

"What a wonderful tune! I wonder who wrote the score?"