Pharmacy Fans Pillows

'It was more of a 'triple blind' test. The patients didn't know which ones were getting the real drug, the doctors didn't know, and, I'm afraid nobody knew.'

Antihistamine Rally At National Sinus Cavity

"Something for motion sickness?"

'Don't operate machinery while taking this medication.'

Travel Pills.

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"Not only pharmaceuticals - we're also finding all sorts of industrial chemicals here."

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

"Hey, this anti-depressant you've come up with really works"

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

Drug vending machines at hospital.

'The $39.95 is for the prescription, sir, and the $7 surcharge is a little something for our handwriting expert.'

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

Medical Supplies

'Drugs' 'Viruses'.

Side Effects

'Here is the mood elevating medication that your doctor prescribed. The less costly generic version is called chocolate.'

Placebonex: 'Make sure to take it every day, otherwise the effect wears off.'

'These smart pills are overpriced!"

'What kind of side effects do you enjoy?'

'If they weren't so damned good we might feel a bit more excited about the figures.'

'Have you got anything for late onset whimsy?'

'When a doctor looks in your ear with that pointy thing- what's he looking for...?'

"He thinks he's invented a fluted, or grooved, top for pill bottles so that he can tip out a single pill rather than have a cascade of them rolling about on the kitchen or bathroom floor."

"Sorry for the delay in fulling your prescription. Since you brought it in there has been two new side effects we have to add to the label."

'Success! We created a drug that is effective, quick-acting, and expensive.'

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

Natural Medicines

"Here's a list of drug companies in my stock portfolio - could you prescribe something made by one of them?"

"I might suggest Ritalin."