Pet Job Counselor Mugs

Dog Training For The Ninties

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Dog Walking Services

"I think therefore I am." "Bow Wow, Bow Wow, Bow Wow."

'And the cat is due back in 2 weeks.'

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

"Do you remember ordering 1,345 cans of tuna?"

"I have special needs-- good food, warm bed, fresh water, and plenty of room to pop wheelies!"

"Man! That squirrel was jacked!"

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

"Brilliant cover letter, lousy résumé."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

"I see so much love reflected back in his adorable little face."

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

Labrador for sale

"I've never seen a resume that's entirely made up of emojis. Let me take a few moments to decode it."

After bring your cat to work day, I ended up with 5 extra cats.

SPCA: USED CATS AND DOGS

"That was the pet store, dear - they want to know if you've noticed any minor flashes of aggression in Joey since starting the steroid bird feed?"

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

"Come out, Snivers, it's a decent enough redundancy package."

"I hate my job and I'm terrified of losing it."

"Do you have one that has a snooze button?"

'This one is very effective. It sounds just like a can opener.'

Self-Employment

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"