Pet Entertainer Pillows

"It's my birthday. How about a free drink?"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Then you go over me … I go around you … and ta-da! A double fisherman's bend! Next-level leash knot.

'Now cut that out!'

'Beware of Dog' sign next to accordion-playing canine.

"Yes, I saw your video. And I didn't find it amusing."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Zombie standup

Showbiz Awards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

Clown on bike.

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Extreme miming"

The Rooster Comedian.

Comedy Cafe

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Cow Show Tunes

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

"That'll be five bucks."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'