Pet Comedy Collector T-Shirts

Cat Boss

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

"What a coincidence, that's my name, too!"

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

"Ok, maybe this isn't happening."

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."

"They just love tassels."

'You two, sort it out!'

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

"Want to see me make him beg, roll over and shake?"

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

"So, according to your resume, you're willing to work for dog food."

Dog responding to his master doing a crossword.

101 uses of a dead cat: bagpipe

Cat Chores

Dog makes cats float with helium.

Hang Time Fido

'Why do they refuse to drink water out of a bowl that's been left out for two hours, but go gaga over toilet water?'

Why did the chicken cross the road?

'Can't read this one either. Think anyone would mind if I just rolled around in them?'

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

'I happened to swallow a bottle of rogaine!'

Deer Crossing

'Here's a stupid question...are you getting enough sleep?'

Groucho Chicken

'I said - MOVE IT!'

'Like I was saying, Angus, I'm the master, you're the dog.'

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

"Darling, this dog food is delicious!"

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'