Personnel Managers Prints

"My name? Is this a 'Gotcha' question?"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"Morning, all!"

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

Check zombies.

Why do you need so many computers?

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

Targets.

Performance management: "We decided to get rid of the carrot and keep the stick."

Mentors guide you through the maze.

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

Information. Innuendo

Your resume says you were a waiter...

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

"Did you read this report? The average member of staff takes 19 minutes for lunch!"

"Carl, let me start off by saying I'm prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt and treat you as a full-fledged human being."

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'