Personal Finance Fan Pillows

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'I'm only seven years old -- I don't HAVE a credit rating yet!'

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

European currency on the edge.

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Economy - USA.

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

What do you suggest we do about this?

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

Man pushing Euro sign up a hill.

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Allow me to introduce Recession. Recession is here to stay."

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

Money Plant.

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

Practical loans vs. devil-may-care loans.

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'