Personal Crisis Pillows

What Sisyphus Learned: "When life gets rough, you sure find out who your friends are!"

"We’re all here for you. We’re your friends, and we want to help. Now, tell us all the sordid details."

"I was listening—you said you feel totally empty inside and you don't think you can go on anymore."

"I told you, if you're looking for a road map for your life, that's all you're gonna get."

"Siri, fix everything that's wrong with my life!"

Suffering Inwardly.

"I don't know about you, but it feels like my life is on a downward trend."

He kept up his guitar practise...

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"Your contents have shifted."

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

Caged Businessman

'Our company has hit an iceberg and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

"Just when did you acquire those tattoos, Warner?"

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

'You again? You know it's called a mid-life crisis, not mid-week!'

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

When life gives you lemons...

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"The Lord brings people together for reasons only he knows."

"Well, I didn't have any more wall space, and I was also tired of being bald."

"This lovely song tells of a young, pretty actress, her ups and downs, and how she found happiness after rehab."

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

'How long's he been out there?'

"Can you estimate how much money you'll need for your mid-life crisis?"

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.