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"The judges aren't too impressed!"

Clown Cries 'Shotgun'!

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"Oh, look. Tonight, the role of Doctor Lessac, normally played by some guy I never heard of, is being played by some other guy I never heard of."

Having a Mistress at the Opera

Red Leter Days - The Porte St. Martin Theatre

Music at Home Pt. 2

'You in town for the Monster Car Show?'

Treading a fine lion.

'Pop the whip. Make me roll over. Smile more. The act started going downhill when I began listening to you.'

Fiddler on the Roof - Performed by Miss Parsons Finishing School

"This next song is about working for the woman."

May all your birthday wishes come true..

'Kurtz is up to his old tricks again.'

'No, they weren't very good but you can't help feeling sorry for them.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

They hated me.

"Just be yourself."

Zombie standup

Showbiz Awards

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

'They all want to play the star.'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

Snowprov

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"Extreme miming"

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

Anna Calvi

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."