Pension Provokers Mugs

"I've crunched the numbers in your retirement account. It's time to figure out who will be wearing the mask and who will be driving the getaway car."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

Mismanagement Consultant.

'Hurry up and enjoy your life as a pensioner! Three.. Two.. One..'

"Scary stuff, but I'm not sure the world is ready for the unexpurgated story of life as a pensions adviser!"

'The bad news is you've lived well beyond your expiration date.'

"Hmm... I wonder what I can find to trigger my self-righteous indignation today..?"

"As requested, we're going to go over you retirement fund, so, if at all possible, let's hold questions until I have finished and I'm out in the parking lot starting my car."

'...I expected a little more than... a sticky toffee with fluff on it.'

"Show-off!"

"It's ridiculous to claim that we've been rewarding investment managers foolishly!"

"The pensions industry needs to dramatically improve the way we communicate with customers."

"It used to be called pensions."

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

"The technical aspects of the 'dashboard' are mainly resolved. Now we just have to sort out the peripheral services."

"Would you believe it, that pensions liberation plan was just an on-line scam..."

"The second I turn 16 I'm joining a conservative political party and then I'll be able to do whatever I want!"

Meaningful Negotiations?

Colin was always looking for new ways to communicate complex financial products.

'I heard it was you who parked next to me and put a dent in my car door. Where do you want your vaporized ashes sent?'

"If you're worried about your retirement account, Ms. Mulvany, just read the crawl."

Man trying to grab a pension from a crane slot machine

"Plan B was to supplement my retirement income as a party clown, and that brings me to my loan application."

Chasing Pensions

"No, Mr. Phelps, I have no idea where your pension went."

'Her pension fund must of collapsed like ours did.'

Comedy / Tragedy / My 401(K)

'Looks like the trust my money is in isn't blind, but it is short sighted.'

"We explained to the Minister that pension management fees were incredibly complex..."

"Oh no! It's another lecture on his pension contributions!"