Penny Stock Prince Prints

Bought Low, Sold Lower.

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

"Well, no wonder you can't think! There's your brain over there on the floor!"

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

'Well, call it 'diet stocks'. Your bank account won't get fat because of the dividend income.'

"The lost password department's that way."

Low-Rent Stockholders

"And the Haves, you might say, are divided into the Gives and Give Nots."

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

"How come Jasper's mutual fund is up twelve per cent and mine's only up eight?"

'Every month put a little money away and at the end of the year . . . you'll be surprised how little you have.'

'I was...wong about that stock. I was wonk about that stock. I was wrung about that stock. I was...wronk about that stock. I was...'

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

'Before the smart money leaves the market, we need to get the dumb money into the market. Here's a list of un-savvy investors to call.'

Teacher to students: 'A penny for your thoughts, but only if you're here on scholarship.'

'You should have come to me sooner.'

'Here at First Infidelity we've always been forward thinking investors. We've invested in penny stocks before they were penny stocks.'

A beginner's guide to being a sociopath

Now hiring: "Selling short" specialist.

'He went into shock when you presented him with the hospital bill.'

'A real penny stock customer'

'Okay, so I lost $1,000 at the penny slots. It's not like I lost it at a $5 machine.'

Financial Terrorist Bernard Madoff.

Stock Market - Ok, you've convinced me - give me one more share.

'Looky here, Andrew! They're opening a NASDAQ Kids!'

'The world's oldest gag in the IT age.'

"But I don't want to go yet, I'm winning...I'm ahead almost three dollars!"

"For some reason, I'm always down when the market is up."

'The birds and bees I know about. I need to know more about the bulls and bears.'

"Well, the books balance - assets, and liabilities match to the penny."

Impulse Buys of the Bankrupt

'We need a big publicity push, we have to get you in the news, one of you needs to develop a heavy drug problem.'