Penny-pinchers With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

'Darn, all these coupons are expired. We could have saved 50 cents on 9 cans of dog food.' 'We don't have a dog.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

Gym. Check in Here. The only time I feel the burn is when I pay the memberbship fee.

Me and my money are soon parted

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

"This is your great, great uncle Orlando. He was a great mathematician, but a little cheap. He always picked up the check at restaurants...but only to make sure the math was right."

"It's cheaper to buy soap in chunks instead of bars. Just chip off what you need."

"Gas prices have forced the pastor to economize."

'Think he'll ever spring for the bowl?'

Gas bar, Full service/Self-serving tightwads

"At your opening, I see that you had two glasses of wine, eight pieces of cheddar, eight crackers, and seventeen grapes. That, of course, will have to come off the top of your end."

Things of the past...

ACcountants Lunch

'Trust in God, but count your change.'

"Is that a fixed-rate scowl or is it adjustable to the current interest rate?"

"Diversification doesn't mean hiding the money under the mattress, the sofa and 2 chairs!"

"Christmas shopping done - the trolley only cost a quid."

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

'When you cook up a figure make it an odd number like £321.42, not £300.'

Couple with a piggy bank house

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

"This company wants to make money, NOT spend money. Turning on the lights would go against our goal."

'If we had eaten at home,we would have saved $48.75 and we wouldn't have had to sit on the floor!'

You're getting cheaper, Armstrong. I'm getting more efficient. It's the American way. Businesses have to keep growing profits to satisfy their investors. The innovative entrepreneur finds ways to grow sales while constantly cutting costs. By giving customers used straws. They're broken in.

'We're running over budget. Better board up all the other windows, too.'

'I'm banking on gas prices going up this summer.'

"My only problem with fiscal restraint is the restraint part."

"Sergio, are we having money problems?"