Peanut Punster T-Shirts

"How would you describe my body type...Creamy or Chunky?"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Sweep the board.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'Iguana know what time it is.'

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

Dogs life

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Pet Cemetery.

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

Dog Walker

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

Kamikaze Colour