Peanut Lover Gifts

"Come on. If you sell beer, you must sell peanuts."

'Now whose salary is small potatoes, and who works for peanuts?'

'Turn yourself in? Look lady, confess all you want - there is no law against eating peanuts.'

Circus peanuts are, ironically, not for circus elephants.

'For the last time, sir, we'll be serving peanuts shortly.'

"If I have this peanut in my pocket, it means I must have buried my keys!"

"No religious nuts!"

"Mom, Eugene picked all the peanuts off the pizza!"

"Yup. This is heaven. Free beer and unlimited peanuts."

"HEY! You two can't just come in here and eat all the peanuts without at least ordering a drink!"

'Look at that! Peanuts!'

'The History Channel is having a peanuts' special...the life of Jimmy Carter.'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Since you ask...business is terrible!"

'This feeling of passion I have for you ...'

I like peanuts, but they disagree with me...

'Milk and cookies. I'd really prefer a beer and peanuts.'

'Your peanuts are lousy!'

'You've got to help me set up a retirement account, every time I save 10 peanuts I eat half of them!'

'Don't ask me where he gets the money, but he's one of my best customers.'

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else. Someone with peanuts."

"Got any more of these peanuts?" "Gimme a minute. Ever since I lost my dentures all I can do is suck the chocolate off 'em."

"Could you pass the peanuts?"

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

"Don’t worry, this guy is totally cool. Just don’t mention the Red Baron."

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

'He can't be all bad if he still likes peanut butter.'

Table Of The Elephants

"And it shall be called peanut butter. And it shall appear as if perishable or in need of refrigeration but in truth it shall remain shelf-stable for months, though the oil may separate and require stirring. And there shall be a crunchy variety and there shall be a smooth variety. And . . ."

"You finished with your peanuts?"

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

'I'd like something with a high amount of vegetable protein, a bit of glucose or dextroe for energy, and some fiber.' 'One peanut butter and jelly on toast.'

'My final offer.'