Payment Option Explorer T-Shirts

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'Whatever he's eating.'

Coffee

Coffee Menu

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?'

'The customer is always right...'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'Hard or soft science?'

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

Heart Disease Menu

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

Pizza with 'Made in China' imprinted on it.

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."

'A penny for my thoughts. Now accepting all major credit cards.'

"Would you like to see a dessert menu or do you not need a little treat after each meal?"

"Introducing the Schultzaccino. Neither tea nor coffee."

'Exactly what day is this the soup of?'