Paycheck Anticipator T-Shirts

Thought for Wednesday

The Evolution of the Bonus

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

Why do you want a career in the bank?

"I'm not worried about Wall Street. I've got my money in my mattress."

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

'No, Brian, an asteroid impact would never take us by surprise like it did the dinosaurs because we're highly intelligent and they were very stupid and dull-witted.'

'Here are today's numbers: I earn $1369 per day, an increase of $548 per day over my previous job...'

Look, you know what models get paid. Don't act all freaked out by your check!

'Babies Unlimited, free delivery.'

' I earn a six-figure income, if you count those two little numbers after the decimal point.'

"Apparently, we don't negotiate for a pay rise anymore. We have to put forward a case for not taking a pay cut."

"I've half a mind to protest."

'I went in to get my mortgage renewed. I said: 'Make it for eight months and four days!'. . . Am I only the one who thinks the world ends in December?'

God next to earth 'Sensational offer, last days'

'This new ruling on bankers pay has really thrown the cat among the pigeons...'

"The bad news is your pay will now be performance-based. The good news is they've just raised the minimum wage."

"My take home pay must have gone to someone else's house."

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

"Whoa, don't hand me my pay cheque. I'm allergic to peanuts!"

'Let's face it, you'll just have to pay by instalments and that's just for the deposit...'

'You've cut me off. So how can I find my cheque book in the dark?'

'My pay cheque is late. I'm imposing economic sanctions.'

'Doc, when I had a look at my salary statement, I got a motivation leak'!

'To be honest, I did expect a better bonus this year.'

The apocalypse everyone has feared is finally here. Hi, I'm Theron Heir. I write Rudy Park. That's it? A scrawny guy in flip-flops and bermuda shorts, wearing a man-purse? Don't provoke him. Anything can be in that man-purse. I would think the apocalypse would be taller.

'So much for 'pay peanuts and you get monkeys' - the monkey says he won't touch the job for less than ten grand and benefits.'

The End Is Near.

The split end is near.

'have you ever taken a good look at your paycheck stub? There's one area for what we get and ten different areas for what somebody else gets.'