Pay Raise Predictor Pillows

Busy office.

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

Business is off the chart.

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

'I hear you got your increase.' - 'Yes, that proves my theory, if you whine enough, you get anything you want.'

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

"I love your optimism."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Is this about your raise?"

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"Oh, I can't complain"

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

'Enough is enough. We're sick of being overworked and underpaid.'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

"This is where things started getting really weird."

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'I didn't get the salary increase, but I've been moved one parking space closer to the entrance.'

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

'I'm prepared to offer you a raise, if you work hard. I knew there'd be a catch.'

"Mom, I got the raise. They moved me to the second floor."

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

'Gibson, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

Profit Chart with Happy and Sad Faces.

'A simple, 'profits are up', would have sufficed.'

"Have you heard something that the rest of us don't know about?"

"The accounting change that contributed most to the quarter was adding three zeros to the revenue number."