Paw-suit Professional Pillows

'The days of rewarding me with mere pats on the head are over.'

Police Feline Unit

Dogs

I know it's you that's been digging up my garden. I certainly didn't put those rose bushes in.

'I understand you don't have a resume but you do have your pedigree papers?'

"Not really. I went on the green carpet just before we came out."

'Wait a minute - isn't this one yours and that one mine?'

Grammarian.

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

"I said SLIPPERS!"

'That's right, my Master follows me on my walk with a plastic bag in his hand: I have no privacy anymore...'

'Let's switch sides. My feet are killing me.'

'No doubt about it. We've got to get cell phones!'

"He's a real dog person."

"Are they still following us?"

'One last question... Dog person or cat person?'

'We were forced to leave our last church when some visitors took our seats.'

"Are you; 'Obedient, fun-loving and loyal...with a liking for licking his testicles...?'"

"I need some assistance here."

"While your resumé said one thing it's come to our attention that labradors actually shed quite a bit."

'Fetch!...Sit!...Heel!...Paw!...They're not great conversationists, are they?'

Dog sleepwalking after owner

Teaching dog to fetch slippers.

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.

'Is he good or what?!'

"I think the Chihuahua's been up on the counter again. There are several paw prints in the butter tub."

Smirking Cat

"Do I ever do this to you?!"

'He speaks and now he has his own chat room.'