Patriotic Roommate Prints

The making of the 16th president of the United States

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Biofelineism

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"I guess I was a good shot, because I took down 50 Nazis...all by myself. That's how I got my silver star. Honestly, I don't consider myself a hero. I consider myself lucky."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

Monuments

'Are we broke yet?'

'Who gets the decaf?'

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

It's Your Turn to Do the Dishes Tonight!

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work, I overslept.'

"Much ado list"

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

Thank you to those who never came home and to those who never left their side.

I hate monday mornings.