Patient Pedestrian T-Shirts

Expect delays.

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"We'll get there when we get there!"

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

"Your driver will arrive in 4...9...17 minutes after three accidental loops around the airport."

'Bored?'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

Billgeville's new pedestrian monkey bars not only reduced accidents but also whipped people into great shape.

'I'm going to be a little late.'

Please Wait and wait and wait.

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

"Are you going to move?"

'You gotta help me, doctor! I took a deep breath to get some fresh air and inhaled my Blackberry!'

A feast in a hospital bed.

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

'It's a parasol - they don't know whether it will be rain or shine!'

Thanks TSA

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

Mortified that her hospital gown did not close all the way in the back...

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"Take me! After 15 minutes of cell phone chatter and day-time TV, a colonoscopy will be a relief!"

'There's a new push to improve the quality of food available...here's the takeovut menus for Ling's Chinese and the Indian in the High St!'

I stood in line for an hour only to find out there's a height requirement. You must be this tall. Waits and measures!

Burt's love of garlic was making him most unpopular with the other patients.

Twisted Peel has a bout of road rage.

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

'I don't suppose it occured to you to simply agree to disagree?'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

'Just in case, I want you to shorten your Bucket List down to just one thing that you can do in this room.'