Pastor Prints

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"I love the blockbusters of the summer confession season."

'You certainly got our attention, pastor.'

God's map of the universe

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"Pray only for peace, love, strength and forgiveness. Never, ever spam the Lord."

Vicarage - Beware of the Dogma.

A surprise in heaven

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

Power and the Glory tools

"If we're on earth to help others, how do I go about becoming an 'other'?"

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"...And the person who put the Euro coin in the collection plate last week,may you burn in hell."

The Miracle of Catching the Fishes (The Holy Bible).

'Herbert changes churches so often that we decided to skip the packing and unpacking stages.'

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"Please listen carefully to the available options."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

Follow God On Twitter

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

'It all sounds good but I want something I can get in pill form.'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

'...and blessed be our new church nursery, which allows certain congregation members to catch up on their sleep during my sermon.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Fortunately, the Almighty is compassionate, kind, understanding, and hopefully tone deaf.'

"You should do a sermon on the dangers of stupidity."

'Don't worry. I'm a church pastor. First little problem, and they'll find me.'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Today's sermon will be followed immediately by a rebuttal from the opposition."