Pastor Prints

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

"I love the blockbusters of the summer confession season."

'You certainly got our attention, pastor.'

God's map of the universe

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"Pray only for peace, love, strength and forgiveness. Never, ever spam the Lord."

Vicarage - Beware of the Dogma.

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

A surprise in heaven

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

"If we're on earth to help others, how do I go about becoming an 'other'?"

Power and the Glory tools

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

The Miracle of Catching the Fishes (The Holy Bible).

"...And the person who put the Euro coin in the collection plate last week,may you burn in hell."

'Herbert changes churches so often that we decided to skip the packing and unpacking stages.'

Follow God On Twitter

"Please listen carefully to the available options."

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'It all sounds good but I want something I can get in pill form.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

'Fortunately, the Almighty is compassionate, kind, understanding, and hopefully tone deaf.'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

God's Phone

'Here's the state of the art gym, here's the coffee bar and internet cafe ... oh, yeah - and this little thing over here is the new sanctuary.'

"You should do a sermon on the dangers of stupidity."

'...and blessed be our new church nursery, which allows certain congregation members to catch up on their sleep during my sermon.'

'It's made out of solid wood and it sleeps eight.'