Passing Obedience Training T-Shirts

'You drive a hard bargain, but okay -- newspaper pipe, AND slippers.'

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"We've found a marvelous trainer for Rex."

Agility God

Dog Training Academy and the Cat Anarchy Club.

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

Zombie pet tricks.

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

Jump Boy!God, your life must be dull.

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

'The months of arduous training were worth it, she makes a decent martini.'

'I can see the practical side of fetching, but what's the point of rolling over?'

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

"Yeah, I've put on a lot of weight, but my master's favourite command is "sit, sit, sit!" I barely ever get to exercise..."

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

"In obedience school, I was voted 'Most likely to chew a slipper'."

'I'm tired of sitting and staying.'

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

"I'm taking a gap year and then getting my Master's in Fetching and Staying."

Obedience school was tough. Especially the homework, which he would do and then eat.

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

"Sorry honey, I'll be late. The boss told me to stay."

"Not until you fetch the other one."

"What, again? You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Text!"

'Okay, let's try it one more time...slippers...slippers....'

Caution: Feeding the dogs under the table leads to the next inevitable step.

'Out of the blue, my Master is now obsessed with having me sit, shake hands and rollover...'

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

Cruel Pet Tricks