Part-time Parent Advocate Pillows

I have this overwhelming urge to have kids

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"Ah...here they are!"

'Personally - I'm against a four-day school week - I'm for a three-day school week. . .'

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

Icarus, you are not flying anywhere until you put on some sunscreen.

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

The modern generation!

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

He can't talk yet, but he still gets the last word.

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

Toilet Training

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

They grow up so fast, so we're already putting money away for bail.

World's Best Dad. I don't know. I thought they were with you. World's Best Mom.

'Hi, honey?we're home!'