Parents T-Shirts

"One day Son all this will be yours."

Seder Plate Symbols Explained

"I'm afraid I made quite a nuisance of myself in here last night."

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin playing hockey. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore."

"And remember, have your parents ask their doctor if Ambulex is right for them."

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

"It's true. You were actually born a beautiful princess, but you were given to us to be brought up... and there's not a damned thing you can do about it!"

"Next Christmas, I drive the cattle, you go see Mom."

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

"Someday, son, this will all be yours—and underwater."

"We've changed our minds. We do want to be a burden to you."

"Daddy works in a magical, faraway land called Academia."

At home with the brass section.

"For next Father's Day, we'll get you a tie clip."

"Enough!"

A classroom full of young children; a schedule board in the background lists the day's activities which include: circle time, art fun, snack and S.A.T. prep.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Because of inflation, I'm going to have to let two of you go."

"Are we there yet?"

Philosopher trading cards.

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

"I vary her diet with a wide variety of pasta shapes."

"Well, the children are grown up, married, divorced, and remarried. I guess our job is done."

"What if we stow the 'Star Wars' crap for five seconds, Timmy, and get to the geometry?"

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"The Icarus story is just that- a story."

"If you want to be more like Mom and Dad, kids, you've got to start pounding down those Shirley Temples."

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

Rorschach's parents

"Good shootin', son. I'm pretty sure that was a squirrel."

"Does this make us bad parents?"

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

"Whistle, you dumb bastard!"

"Keeping all out kids does NOT make us hoarders."

"I think it is most admirable," said Alice, "that you gave up a thriving law practice to be with this lovely child."