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Child Development: 'He's developing just fine, those babies in the commercials aren't really talking.'

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

Poor kid, never had a chance.

"You can do anything in life, son... as long as it's something that can be done by a duck."

'Don't mind them. I've got a helicopter mom and a drone dad.'

New study shows teens not getting enough sleep.

"I'm sure he's a fine boy, but we prefer interviewing your son in person."

For most, the day before school started was considered Labor Day. For Stewie's mom however, it had always been considered Independence Day.

'My composition is 'parental discipline and what we can do about it'.'

"Men are like fast food - expensive, unhealthy and they make you fat."

'I think mine has been converted to run entirely on chip fat.'

"Your homework days are over, Dad. I've been expelled."

'Well yes, Patricia. This story did take place before the advent of the pill.'

The State of Britain's Youth - Parental Guidance Recommended

David Cameron Parenting Classes: 'After registering them for Eton the next most important thing is selecting the right nanny!'

'Women want equal pay for equal work, so a minimum allowance law for kids can't be far behind.'

'Ok, since I'm hopelessly lost, I'll waive the rule against talking to strangers.'

'I figure that by the time he develops significant arterial damage, I'll be long gone.'

"She has her mother's management style."

'Just do Adam and Eve. They can create the others all by themselves - trust me.'

'Mommy!'

"About Timmy's behavior – let's take a look at some recent footage form Ms. Cindy's bodycam."

"Happy Mother's Day – I'm hungry."

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

"I'v got this center-of-the-universe gig."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'What's play?'

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."