Parenting Prowess Seeker Gifts

"He's still working on his communication skills."

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

"Should we keep the receipt in case of returns."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

World's Best Dad. I don't know. I thought they were with you. World's Best Mom.

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

"I'd put his name down for Eton if I could spell it!"

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.

"Adulits don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAAAH!"

Chip and Fran Cooper: The Most Embarrassing Parents in the World.

'Dad a dachshund is really half a dog high and two dog long...'

"Did you ever have that baby you wanted so much?"

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

'The doctor is ready to see you, Teddy...Bring your handler!'

'May I borrow your hard hat? I'm going to try and go into the kids' room.'

'I'm sure this is the right exit .'

"I know at least two people who will sleep easier with him behind bars."

"Actually, he's developing at an absolutely normal rate for his age..!"

'Wait a minute! I want it stirred, not shaken!'

'We want to be ready for when he starts to read.'

"Go ask your mother."