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Impractical Guide to Having Babies

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'What's play?'

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Your wife has given birth to the blues.'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'The suspense is killing us. Which one is our grandchild?'

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

'No creamed peas for me today!'

'He's more supportive after his nap.'

"We've doubled our staff in the last six months." (Smith and Smith - baby in playpen behind desk).

'Yipee! A cockroach!'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

"Once I have the motor skills, I'll be knee deep in pudding every. Damn. Day."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

"Support the head."

Look at it this way: You're changing the future of the nation...one diaper at a time!

Constructing your own prison!

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'The kid was right! There WAS a monster under his bed!'

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

The relay race

'Will I be able to have a night light if we switch to solar power?'

"Mom usually chews it up for us."

'Sorry, Holly!'

"Just wait until your nanny gets here."

'You're grounded... not you, the drone.'

I'm fed up with cleaning your room! From now on, wipe your feet!