Parenting Juggernaut T-Shirts

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

Suffering from Cooties?

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

Polly, want a cracker, but Polly need a glass of wine.

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"I know, but all promises are off when Daddy's writing his grant proposals."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

Apprehensive about leaving the baby with a sitter for the first time, Michelle scales back her romantic dinner with Al.

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

Baby on Board, Mother on Edge.

The relay race

'I couldn't find any box filler so I shredded those tax documents on your desk.'

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

'We need a dog!'

"When the new employment laws come in parenting is going to be a whole lot easier...."

The mating call of the Yellow-Throated Warbler,

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

"Here comes the airplane--once it gets clearance from the tower, which should be in another 45 minutes. Thank you for your patience."

Oops.

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

We're very disappointed. We thought the nanny had raised you better than this.

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.