Parenting Journey Taker Pillows

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

'This is not fair, mom. . . none of my friends is forced to hibernate before December.'

'He's more supportive after his nap.'

"It's not often you see a sign that is both instructional and inspirational."

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

Preparing for a new arrival

"Oh well, if you really want to see some scary chest thumping, come with me now and I'll show my school report to my dad..."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

"Why are you special? Because I'm your mommy, and I'm special."

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"So you don't want to come along?"

Please take a number.

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

The relay race

They Removed my Brain.

'My kids don't understand me.'

'I know how you like things to be clean, so I gave fishy a bath!"

'Are you trying to tell me that neither of you get penalty rates for the 2 a.m feed?'

"I lost the spelling bee on the word 'gangsta.' "

"My mom used to be an excellent housekeeper, but I put a stop to that."

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers