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'There are two concerns I have. your son disturbs the class every day except Friday, and your son always cuts class on Friday.'

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

Suffering from Cooties?

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

"He won't eat anything but corn."

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

'My parents only said 'don't accept rides from strangers,' but I'm the one asking to go with YOU.'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

Daughter/psychiatrist

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

'You should give her a bigger breakfast - She's just eaten my thermometer!'

Parenting Wonks

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'Sleeping like a baby'

"We shouldn't have had so many kids. Now they all want computers and phones."

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

"But I am an engaged parent. Just the other day, I helped one of the kids with his or her homework."

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

'Have a nice day at school, Jeffrey -- remember to stay on message!'

'Satellite TV? You're spoiling that kid.'

"Try verbalizing it."

Mother Love is Without Logic