Parenthood Pandemonium Explorer T-Shirts

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Baby pram as a tank

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

'Mom says she has a souffl

'How many fingers do you see?'

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'This is not fair, mom. . . none of my friends is forced to hibernate before December.'

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

"Bless, Poppy's first tweet!"

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"It's not often you see a sign that is both instructional and inspirational."

Woman Window Shops For A Baby Book

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

'We've never had an accident - aside from three of our five kids.'

IVF assessment centre.

'It's not that I don't want more kids Victoria, I'm worried I won't have enough skin for their names.'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'