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Cowboy Baby.

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

'Mom says she has a souffl

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

"Yes, "breeding like rabbits" is often used in a pejorative sense. The truth is, we don't care as we love having kids..."

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

IVF assessment centre.

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

Maternity Arrivals

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Children.

"I was hoping you'd have outgrown that by now."

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

"My parents taught me stuff until I was six, and then they outsourced me to Central Elementary."

'They can be so modest at this age.'

Baby Wind Up.

"... and they never write or visit!"