Parental Unit T-Shirts

'He's not a Super Influencer, he's a very naughty boy!'

Rudy, please help me distract level 2 of my video game. Distract? I have no problem with level 1. But as soon as I get past it. I face this super-powerful monster. I can't defeat it. It's so mean, and ... oh no, here it comes! Where? No more playing or talking about video games. Go outside and do something real! I'll never make it to level 3. You'll never make it to your teens.

'What's oriole sex'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"Just be yourself."

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Polly txt speak

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

The Zoo.

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'