Parental Patience Warrior Mugs

"I've had it with the nineties!"

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

Baby pram as a tank

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

"No, I don't look in the mirror. I look in the soap."

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'Excuse me mom, I've got to take a call.'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"He keeps touching me!"

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."