Parent Negotiator T-Shirts

"I went to 'Bring your kid to work day' so you have to go to 'Back to school night'."

"I'll go back to school if you go back to the office."

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

"Houston, we have a problem!"

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

'Early to bed and early to rise? It's a deal.'

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

'Do what I did. Tell your mother you want a pet snake. Then she'll get you a dog.'

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

'All right. I'll get forty winks, but not one wink more.'

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

"Give my kid a passing grade and you could be looking at many more nice apples."

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

You need to stay home and study. Mom! It's an educational opportunity

'If you let me read the SPORTS section, I just may consider moving.'

"You call it training, I call it an apprenticeship. Now pay up."

"You do realize this may affect my review of you on Yelp?"

"Come on dad, there's no need to go all 'Successiony' on me."

'Uh, Molly...Who's your little friend?'

'Early to bed and early to rise. I like a saying with an escape clause.'

Last week revisited. Uncle Mort, want to come over to my place for Thanksgiving? Can't. Sadie and I are having it at her place. How nice of you. What? I'd love to. What can I bring? Beautifully played, no? She'll kill me. I'd love to. How nice.

'No, I'm not interested in hearing a counter proposal.'

'I'm sorry but you don't get any credit for giving it 'the old college try'.

'She won't budge on the allowance, but she did present me an 800 page handbook detailing the perks.'

Surface Tension

Stroll a Kid: $10 One Hour, $6 1/2 Hour.

"But I'm not even tir..."

"No, no, boy. It's Tuesday. Wednesdays are your nights to sleep on the big bed."

'I don't care whether you think it's an affront to your 'Human Rights', I still want you to go to the naughty corner!'