Panic Buying Humorist Gifts

First Wave. Second Wave.

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

Suez Canal Curse

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

'And the good news is - we're in deep doo-doo.'

Red Ink: "Busy as a bee, Ted, given the niche we've cut out for ourselves."

Flush Direct

'I sold my house and got what I paid for it. But you bought it in 1962.'

Safe harbour

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

'Excuse me, sir, I know you didn't get your bonus, your house is mortgaged to the hilt, you have two kids in college, your employer is facing bankruptcy and . . .'

"OK, now here comes the lava."

'Personally, I thin the downsizing went too far.'

One of Indonesia's most feared Volcanoes: The mighty 'Kraka-toe-a'.

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

'Quick! sell me a lure,any lure,I just found an empty compartment in my tackle box.'

Be nice to Erdogan

"I know we don't have a garden, but I panicked!"

"Believe me, you're not the first person who thought they were getting a deal by buying generic."

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

Luck

Don't worry, when it's time to start jumping out of windows I'll tell you.

'Inflation allows us to live in a more expensive neighbourhood with even moving.'

'Since I lost my shirt on the stock market, I now only accept strong currency or gold bullion.'

'Sales of new homes are plummeting. I suggest we build old homes.'