Painting Pontificator T-Shirts

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

Artist and Musician

Artist's Equipment Comes To Life

"Perhaps in my next life I'll be a jpeg."

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"I'd go with French Impressionist. It evokes the burnished golds of autumn leaves and the bittersweet regrets of lost love. It's also on special."

A Christmas tree self portrait

Man getting hot looking at picture of desert.

Like many kids, Bobby had an imaginary friend. Unfortunately for Bobby, he was a critic.

"I think I know where the passion in our marriage has gone."

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

Eugene Delacroix

"This artist's very successful. And he's not even dead."

A Night In the Art Gallery

Little girl imitating a painting in an art gallery

"This was his real breakthrough piece."

"Miles... I'm going abstract!"

"The last doggy bag."

"Big deal! My digital picture frame can hold a thousand pictures!"

'Beret Night at the Museum'

Jesus Christo

"Tee hee. . . Turner Prize here I come. . .!"

'It was one of the great notes and was played by Beethoven and Lennon.'

"It's almost as if you can get lost in it, Timmy. Timmy?"

Artist painting a dancer.

"He had help. There were architecture specialists, costume specialists, angel specialists..."

Man: 'Hey WOW, it's true! Her eyes DO follow you around the room!'

'I started out as a sculptor, but I kept hitting my thumb.'

"Landscapes are nice but have considered painting still lifes?...maybe apples?"

"I love what you do with low-hanging fruit!"

Picasso's learning years.

ACCOUNTANT-IN-RESIDENCE: "John, we're going to have to cut back on the cadmiums."